I wish I could punch you in the face.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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