Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
