My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
