In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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