I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
