I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
