Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
