Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
