I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
