I just pynch a tree in the face
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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