If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
