I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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