Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
