Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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