the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
