I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
