My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
