the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
