I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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