One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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