physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
