Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
