I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
