My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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