we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize