Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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