i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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