I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
