she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
