Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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