How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
