I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
