I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
