Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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