The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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