this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
