Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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