I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..