Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0