A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.