This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
