when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me