Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.