Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.