My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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