Im at strip club and am horny
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
