This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
