I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Can you repeat that, but with context?
there is glitter all over my balls
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
