the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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