I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
