Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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