Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize