I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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