yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
