So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
