we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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