i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
