I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
