They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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