Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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