I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
