I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
