He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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