I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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