fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
