i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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