So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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