I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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