Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
