wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.