There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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