can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
