did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?