my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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