I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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