So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My penis needs a shock collar
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
