I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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