Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Can Purell be used as lube?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
