just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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