How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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